


Before You

by Elle_est_vivant



Category: Video Blogging RPF, X33n - Fandom, captainsparklez - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Two broken people being friends, but with drama in between, do not correlate this to irl Jordan and X33N, explicit mentions of sex/crime/self harm/violence/etc, persona shipping, real life AU, then being more than friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:02:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle_est_vivant/pseuds/Elle_est_vivant
Summary: Two people, each broken by his own past, by himself, by each other.As they met, they clashed. Everything about them clashed. All that could’ve gone wrong went wrong.Yet none of them realised that there was an option to abandon each other in this world.
Relationships: Jordan Maron/X33n
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

‘How many people have you... dated this week?’ 

X33N scrunched his face as he tried to say the word ‘fucked’, but in the end he simply said ‘dated’. It was inaccurate, but at least it was a bit more appropriate to say in a restaurant with people around them.

‘One.’ Jordan’s face seemed totally honest, but X33N knew better.

‘How. Many. People. Have. You-‘

‘Fine three.’

‘Jordan why- can’t you just settle for someone? Like, what’s so wrong about the idea of being in an actually proper relationship? And aren’t there better ways of, I don’t know, enjoying life?’

He didn’t expect such a strong emotional outburst from Jordan.

‘You’re accusing me for unhealthy lifestyles? You? Look at your wrists and call your lifestyle healthier than mine? At least I don’t smoke or do drugs or, I don’t know, cut myself, all I did was ask other mature, self-responsible adults to do adult things with consent!’

People were looking their way, and X33N was very startled. He didn’t expect this to happen, and he didn’t like the very unnecessary attention, especially when the story between them was so weird in every way and Jordan seemed to be pouring all of it out at the moment.

‘Listen Jordan we can talk about this when we get back to our place alright...’

‘No we cannot and I need to lay this straight to you right now!’

Tears seemed to be coming out of Jordan’s eyes, as he shouted, fiercely, but somehow also helplessly. The waitress, also scared, quietly walked to their table and left X33N the check as she saw ‘help me’ written all over the latter’s face, then retreated quickly.

‘You think I want to fuck them? The people I don’t even know? And most of all you think so? You? Out of all people, you? You think I do it because I like it? You absolute fool I fucking want you and that’s the one person I can’t ever get!’

Jordan was getting louder and louder by the word and more and more people were looking their way, including the waitress, now watching this drama at a distance.

X33N sighed. Jordan clearly was drunk again, he should’ve asked that before going out to dinner with him. And, if it wasn’t obvious, looking after a drunken Jordan was an annoying task.

But the fact that his friend - the person he thought he was just friends with - that his friend was screaming ‘I wanted to fuck you’ in public was more terrifying.

He filled the check with cash, he really didn’t want to stay here any longer, not even the short time it would took them to wait for the card.

‘Jordan, you’re drunk. Come on, let’s go, I called a cab...’

‘I’m not drunk I’m fine... and I love you, right, I love you X33N don’t leave me are you leaving me right now don’t...’

Now the fierceness was gone, and the volume was down, only helplessness remained in his voice. 

_ He was a thousand percent drunk. _

Jordan was fit, but he wasn’t heavy, and no matter how awkward this will be X33N knew he had to do it. 

Also, his phone said the cab’s already at the restaurant door.

He stood up, walked to the other side of the table, and tried to scoop the other up in his arms. Jordan wriggled, trying to break himself free, but the alcohol he drank god knows when started to kick in even more and he was getting sleepy. He instinctually held tight to X33N’s neck, as the taller man sighed again, walking towards the door with a very drunken and red Jordan in his arms.

Once he dropped the other down onto the seat of the cab, X33N didn’t say a single more word.

He had all the rights in the world to be mad at that moment.

The scars Jordan mentioned in his emotional outburst were showing even more, redder than the skin surrounding them, after the workout of carrying Jordan. He ran his fingers over them, his heart feeling very lost.

_What did I do to deserve knowing him in the first place..._


	2. Chapter 2

Jordan woke up, not quite remembering anything. One thing was for sure, he was drunk, his head still hurts from that.

And that meant another thing was for sure, X33N brought him back and made sure he didn’t suffocate in vomit.

_ I probably owe him a gratitude and an apology then. Ugh, I promised him to never get too drunk but I always fail that... _

He sat up, and walked towards X33N’s room. As he normally did, he pushed the door open without knocking, starting to talk before the door was even open.

‘X33N? Sorry for whatever I did yesterd- X33N?’

There was no X33N. 

And this was almost impossible considering it was only ten and X33N barely ever wake up before noon.

‘X33N?’

He searched everywhere. Bedroom, bathrooms, living room, kitchen, the tiny balcony they had, closet. The last one wasn’t even a joke; he actually checked the closets in X33N’s room.

Just in case he was having an episode and was acting stupid.

Well, stupid was still a mean word. It wasn’t X33N’s fault that he had bipolar. Anyways, that wasn’t the point now.

The point was X33N wasn’t there and that was worrying him.

If only Jordan knew what he did yesterday, he wouldn’t even be wondering about the reason.

Also, it was notable how sarcastic that Jardoon Moron was the one worried and stressed.

  
  


X33N sat on the park bench, it was cold even though the early spring sun was shining right on him.

Now that there were no concerns about immediate embarrassment and trouble, the fact that Jordan loved him sank in, and he didn’t know how to react.

He never loved Jordan, that was the problem. He cared about him, of course, the only person he could talk to when he was down, or high, or insane, or upset, it was Jordan.

But he never loved him.

He had lived in the same apartment with him for a year now, initially just for the sake of rents, but now they were both financially okay, it was mainly because he found it fun and relaxing living with his friend.

But he never loved him.

He had been bearing all those rather nasty habits of Jordan for quite long, just like the vice versa. Excessive drinking while he gets drunk so easily, innocent and polite with all others but swears like crazy with him, and, arguably the most unbearably, started a life of one night stands after being dumped about eight months ago, with men and women and god knows what but X33N prayed that the list ends here.

But he never. Fucking. Loved him.

And he thought that also worked vice versa.

Apparently it didn’t because Jordan just said he wanted him in the sexual way yesterday. Yes, he was drunk, but that made it seem even more like the truth than if he wasn’t.

Now he didn’t want to even be friends with him even more. Right, he couldn’t be friends with him anymore, of course, how could they still act like nothing happened after this.

The decision was easy to make. He should start moving out, he had other friends, he totally didn’t need Jordan anymore, there didn’t even have to be an explanation because Jordan clearly knew what happened. It was the only logical thing to do.

He went back to the apartment they shared, already thinking about where would he stay next. Probably closer to where he worked, so he didn’t have to squeeze his soul out on subways everyday anymore.

Everything seemed resolved.

He packed up his things, it was convenient that Jordan wasn’t there. As a typical man in his twenties he owned about a handful of clothes, and he decided all the other things could go to Jordan. He was financially good enough to do that, and, like the movies showed, when one moves away because of love drama they leave everything behind.

There was a photo wall in their apartment, and X33N stood in front of it for a long time.

In the end he took nothing from it.

Call, meet, sign, deposit, pay, move in. All in three days.

There were at least forty calls from Jordan he hadn’t picked up. Half of them were because his phone was on do not disturb, half of them he actively declined.

Surprisingly, there wasn’t a single text. 

This was both relieving and worrying for X33N. Relieving, because he knew his curiosity would drive him to read it if Jordan had texted him, no matter how determined he was to cut off this section of the past off.

Worried because he really did leave Jordan all alone in the low of his life.

He told himself, it will be alright, he’s an adult, I owe him not a damn thing, if he gets himself in trouble then he got himself in trouble, none of my business.

But even after a few days in peace in his new rented apartment, he felt weirdly empty.


End file.
